Sample

this is small sample response to a question. (Your session will be much more personalized to your situation, age group and personal needs, with more detail).

Sample question:

My 18 month old son is biting me whenever he feels like is and now he has bitten a few of the neighbourhood kids. Why does my child bite and how can I stop him from doing it?

Biting is very common for children. It can be stressful for parents of the biter, and makes parents of the bitten more upset than does hitting, shoving or knocking down.

    * There are many reasons why infants and young children begin to bite others: Babies will start teething within the first year of life (3 to 12 months). Biting may be a sign of your baby's teethiing.
    * Babies bite to experiment with the taste, texture and response of their world. Some children bite to gain attention from adults.
    * Some children will bite in self-defence when they are threatened of being hit or having hair pulled.

A lot of play is accompanied by language, as of now toddlers have a vocabulary of approximately 50 words. They can name familiar everyday objects, use two-word sentences and communicate whole ideas with one word, such as "milk" for "I want a glass of milk." Sometimes it can be a difficult task for parents and caregivers to figure out exactly what the child wants. Toddlers begin to have a basic understanding of time, such as "soon," "not now," and "after your nap," but do not have a concept of "yesterday." And "no" is still a very popular word with the two-year old!

What can you do?

 Have you noticed that your child copies everything right now? This is a great time for intense learning. Talk, talk, talk and repeat, repeat and repeat.At happy and sad times put toddler's feelings into words. "You're mad because your ball rolled under the couch and you can't reach it." "Yeah, you're so happy mommy is here singing with you."

Talk with the child about what he's doing. If you want him doing something different guide him into that change, "You want to climb. Climbing on the table is not safe. Climb over here." "You like playing with the knobs on the TV. I'm afraid they will break. Come, we'll find a toy with knobs for you to play with."

When a child gets hurt, talk with the child about what happened and how they feel. "You bumped your head on the chair. That hurts." "Ouch, you scraped your finger on the carpet. That hurts so you cried."

When the child has a problem, talk with the child to see if she can solve the problem herself. If a toy rolls under a chair, you could say, "You're upset. Your toy rolled away. Try crawling under the chair to see if you can reach it."

The more you talk with your child the more you will be able to give him the language he will need to talk about feelings and needs. The less frustration they feel that less they will feel a need to bite for attention.

Try to find stories that you can read together on being a good friend or make one up so lessons can be learned in informal settings as well.

If the behaviour persists try asking him away from the situation as soon as he bites (don't wait) tell him that because he has bitten he must now sit in 'time out' for two minutes (use a minute for each year of his life). Say this as calmly as you can and then don't say anything else. Next, lead him firmly but kindly to a designated and leave him to sit. Keep returning him to the chair if he leaves. When his time is up remind him why he had to sit in time out, repeat the behaviour you want and tell him you love him. End it on a positive note.

Remember things don’t change over night or even when you try them once so keep being consistent and your child will naturally move in the direction that you guide them toward.

What is email consulting?
Email consulting on parenting is a way of providing written answers to specific questions that you ask. If you have questions in your parenting regarding social, emotional, behavioural, or relationship problems, we can help by providing you with specific answers to each of your questions.

How can email consulting benefit me?
Email consulting can benefit you by allowing you to think about your questions in advance, write down your questions before sending them off to your consultant, and receive written answers to each question that can be printed off and used for future reference.

Is email consulting effective?
The latest research suggests that email consulting can be very effective for people who want to get specific answers to a few of their life issues. Our experience has shown that clients appreciate the feedback they receive when they have specific questions that they need to have addressed. They also appreciate the written responses because they can use them as a reference for future situations.

Why do I have to pay a fee for email consulting?
A fee is charged for email consulting to receive a well researched answers to your questions with ideas on ways to make your situation different if needed. The response you receive will help to equip you with new tools for your parenting tool box.

When is email consulting the right choice for me?
Email consulting is the right choice for you when you find yourself with specific problems that need specific answers. If you have questions in your parenting regarding social, emotional, behavioural, or relationship problems in specific situations that require an answer, then you need to use email consulting.

If you are ready to begin adding new tools to you parenting tool box, click here. We will respond to your email promptly.

Puzzles in Parenting will help piece together solutions for healthy relationships, balanced children and confident parents.

How email consulting works.

1. After you pay for your consultancy, you fill out a short questionnaire so your consultant can know your family better for an individualized response. You will return it with an email containing your question (about one page of information).
2. Each session will have a response to your specified question. It may include suggested solutions, suggested readings, or research, activities and new tools.
3. You will be included in Puzzles in Parenting mailing list so you can get further tips, and benefit from specials, groups and articles written by consultants and other professionals.
4. You or your consultant may email once following your initial consultancy with follow up related questions, concerns and successes.
5. Your consultant will send one more follow up email to see how you’re doing.

Cost

On Line Parent Coaching and Consultation

• Questionnaire and one question/one page email request for parenting support
• $55 / prepaid individual session or $200 for prepaid block of 4 sessions.
• Included in coaching session are 4 email contacts including follow up the month following service.

Sample

this is small sample response to a question. (Your session will be much more personalized to your situation, age group and personal needs, with more detail).

Mom Question:

My son always says “but mom….” whenever we are trying to do things together.

“but mom, I wanted to cut it”,

“but mom, I don’t want that there”,

“but mom, I wanted to do it”.

This is whining. One of the most commonly complained about behaviours. As parents, it is often hard to know what to do about it so that we don’t inadvertently reinforce the unwanted behaviour.

Preschoolers are at the height of whining as they are caught between the need for independence and the need for continued parent help and attention. Children generally whine:

• when they want something like a cookie, a toy or something you have.
• when they need something like a hug.
• when they need or want your attention.
• when they know they will get the response they want.

Whining comes in many forms like the “but mom…” above, other forms of whining come with high pitches and/or nasally, dragged out words.

• “Daaaaad” or “Pleeeaaaase”,
• “I don’t wanna do that”,
• “Can we please go now?”,
• “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom…”

Take a look at what is really happening for your child. Are they hungry, hurt, angry, sad, frustrated, over stimulated, lonely, tired or bored? As with your new babies look at the basic need first, sometimes by catching and addressing those first, the behaviour will change. This age group has little concept of time so try to attend to the requests quickly without jumping to the child’s attention every time. Children will learn to use behaviour if they learn that it works for them. Sometimes, they don’t care if it is negative or positive attention so notice how you have been responding to see what they are getting out of it.

Consequences change behaviours only if they’re used every time the behaviour occurs. Be unemotional when administering consequences; don’t get mad or irritated, don’t lecture or display anger. Notice when they are doing good, praise them when they use the right tone of voice and ask in the right way. Breaking a habit takes time so always be encouraging.

Some tips to try:

• Learn what brings on the whining and try to keep ahead of it. If your child is extra whiney at 4pm perhaps they are hungry so always have a snack at 4pm.
• Find phrases to use consistently in this situation, “when you talk in your big voice, then I will be here to listen to you”.
• Help kids find the words they may need to express themselves, “it sounds like your feeling sad”. It is frustrating when you can’t cut a straight line”. “Sometimes I feel mad when someone takes my toys away too”.
• Deal with behaviours immediately. Stop in the store and wait until the desired words are spoken.

Remember, the same things don’t work every time and many approaches have their limits. If the strategy you have chosen doesn’t work, you will try another. Keep in mind it can take up to a month for behaviour to change and it usually gets worse before it gets better. We have to constantly change and try to keep two steps ahead because when you think you know how it goes your kids will change.